At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
