I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize