DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize