Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
false alarm, still single
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
