this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
