i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
