The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
