i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
