hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
