just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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