sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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