Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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