I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
