I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you had me at cake vodka
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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