I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
