He kissed a someone with a penis
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
