then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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