I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
