I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
