I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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