Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i came on her dog
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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