I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
