You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk is a universal language darling
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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