none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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