please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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