the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
