I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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