just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
