Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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