And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
