I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
