Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
