thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
