We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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