I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
