If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
