4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
