My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
