mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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