so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
