I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
