Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
