i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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