you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
