bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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