I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
