Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
