dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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