My room smells like vodka and shame
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize