There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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