have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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