wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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