I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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