Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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