What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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