why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
