somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh god it's open bar.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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