Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
