If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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