I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
