from now on my penis is your penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
