I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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