remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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