it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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