Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
